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Sorry for the late recap this week! I’ve been having some technical difficulties, and also I was distracted during this week’s episode so I had to re-watch it online. To be honest, I was annoyed by this whole episode, as you can see by the length of this post. 
 
This episode started off with a focus on Andrea, which made me nervous because I always get scared that the person they feature the most will be eliminated. Also, she’s one of my favourites AND we’re Twitter friends. Anyway, she is upset she’s been in the bottom, and knows she’s so much better than the shit (her words!) she’s been putting out in the competition.
 
 
Quickfire! Our guest judge this week is the friendly giant himself, Michael Smith. Thea must be wearing some serious heels, because dude is like 6’7 and she’s not looking that much smaller. Is Chef at Home going to teach them to cook without a recipe, as he so patronizingly (is that a word?) encourages me from my TV every night at 6:30? Obviously not. (But seriously, that show enrages me. Being spontaneous in the kitchen sure is easy when you have the most well-stocked pantry on earth and just happen to have everything you need in the fridge. Don’t even get me started on baking without measurements). The cheftestants have to take a secret, everyday ingredient and use it in a unique and innovative dish. What could this exciting ingredient be? ALL-BRAN CEREAL. Gag. This is just setting the tone for the whole hour. The chef with the most innovative and best tasting dish gets immunity.
 
I don’t really feel like telling you what went down here, but there seems to be two general groups. Group 1 basically makes the All-Bran into a crust for a variety of items (venison, chicken, shrimp, scallops) and Group 2 tries to make it into something in the dough family (dumplings, gnocchi). Only Connie is smart enough to keep things in the realm of breakfast and use the All-Bran to make a crepe with a vanilla marscapone filling. Chef at Home gives Dustin the business for a couple drips on his plate, and also scolds Rob for hiding the burned part of his chicken wings. The recappers over at Toronto Life described Chef Smith as “kindergarten teacher–voiced” and it’s SO TRUE. Also, SO ANNOYING.
 
Okay, so moving on, Chef Smith says that Patrick, Francois and Rob were the worst. Darryl, Todd and Andrea were the best, with Todd’s salt-cod All-Bran things as the most innovative. Whatever, this is gross, let’s just get to the Elimination. Did I mention I hate All-Bran?
 
The Elimination Challenge this week is to cook familiar food with a twist, and serve it at an anniversary dinner at Milestones Restaurant. Milestones, you guys! I loathe Milestones. I ate there so much during my first few post-university years working in Toronto, that I had a collection of those stupid plastic animals they put in the bellinis marching across my desk at work. Sandra and I used to go there and drink FISHBOWL bellinis and then go to the movies. I think I ate everything on the menu at least five times, and I’m getting upset just thinking about it. Why? Because the food there is average. Think about it. Everything you’ve ever eaten there is just okay. Nothing is overly gross, but nothing is amazing either. I get so sad for my 22-25 year old self for wasting so much time and money eating boring garbage, when there was a whole city of more interesting, delicious food to experience. Eventually I figured it out, and I know there are lots of people who love it (tell me in the comments, but I need a full justification of what you go there to eat and why) but this also ties into my further annoyance with this episode, which is basically boils down to this: why are you asking some of the best chefs in Canada to dumb down their cooking? When are they ever going to have to do this for their professional careers? This is also why I hated taking statistics and calculus in university. Have I used those skills again? NO.
 
So the cheftestants draw knives to see what they will be making:
 
Appetizers: Todd, Andrea, Connie
Main: Francois, Rob, Patrick
Dessert: Darryl, Dale, Dustin
 
The best dish from each course will be featured on the menu at Milestones, and the worst will be up for elimination. We can also note that since Todd has immunity, it’s a fight between Andrea & Connie. Then there’s the required jaunt to Loblaws, the chefs start prepping, and then something amazing happens. I actually agree with Dale when he starts talking about how he’s not going to make dull food, he’s going to cook his food the way he wants to. Yes, Dale! I mean, honestly this is the stupidest premise for a challenge thus far. You’ve worked with Susur, Daniel Boulud, or Gordan Ramsey, now strip all that away and make something for a generic chain restaurant.
 
Side note here when they show the cheftestants smoking back at the condo. Now, I can’t really weigh in as I’m not a smoker, but I’ve always heard that smoking dulls your tastebuds. When my brother quit after however many years, he was super excited to start tasting food again. Can anyone shed light on this? Why would someone who makes their living creating delicious tasting food sabotage themselves like that? Wow, I’m so judgemental this week!!! Are you enjoying it as much as I am?
 
For the judging, we have our regulars, plus Chef at Home, and Jeff Dell, the Executive Chef at Milestones. Appetizers are up first, and once again, Connie confirms she’s the smartest competitor. She’s upset she’s being forced to cook croquettes and onion rings, but she knows her dish is safe, easy to share, and doesn’t have any crazy components. Let me just do this in bullet form, because my various tangents are making this recap really long for an episode I didn’t even like.
 
Appetizers
Todd: nori wrapped salmon with rice, asian slaw, plum wine dipping sauce
Judges say: salmon is too rare, but there’s lots of flavour, good dish in the wrong category, not very shareable
 
Connie: pork croquettes, beer battered onion ring, spicy aioli
Judges say: feels like Milestones, everyone likes it, Mark wanted more, very shareable
 
Andrea: black garlic goat cheese ravioli, crispy panchetta, black olive tapenade, arugula puree
Judges say: it’s dry, cold, doesn’t make sense, not shareable, the black garlic makes the goat cheese look dirty
 
Brief interlude here of Andrea & Connie losing their shit when some customers walk-in after their service has ended. Andrea says she doesn’t care if people call her a bitch, which I can appreciate (this has happened to me in the workplace), and it’s kind of fun to see Connie freak out a little, as she’s been cool as a cucumber thus far.
 
Mains
Rob: grilled striploin with goat cheese pave, broccoli puree, black garlic jus
Judges say: it’s too contemporary for Milestones, too precious, the guests won’t get it, the beef is a disaster
 
Patrick: pork tenderloin with leek and mushroom saute, turnip and potato gratin, honey saffron tomato sauce
Judges say: the presentation is terrible, too many flavours, looks like something that would be served in a cafeteria
 
Francois: seaweed gnocchi, fine mushrooms, tamarind jus, roasted sablefish
Judges say: sablefish is buttery, flavour combination is nice, seaweed gnocchi is familiar with a twist, exactly what they were looking for
 
During this judging segment, I started to feel annoyed again, but this time on behalf of Milestones customers. Really judges, the guests won’t “get” it? They won’t understand broccoli puree without seeing an actual broccoli spear? Give me a fucking break! They could not be more confusing about their intentions for this episode. Break down your cooking, but put a twist on it. Nothing too fancy, but don’t confuse the customers. Blerg.
 
Desserts
Dale: pavlova, cherries, basil cream
Judges say: too abstract, too confusing, too complicated for a chain restaurant
 
Dustin: strawberry shortcake with buttermilk biscuits, lemon curd and vanilla whipped cream (his girlfriend’s recipe, she’s his pastry chef at Grace. SO CUTE!)
Judges say: perfect execution, presentation is a hit, the lemon curd is the twist on a classic strawberry shortcake
 
Darryl: chocolate fondant cake with kahlua, coffee, raspberry coulis
Judges say: Mark – “perfectly appropriate for Milestones. It’s not rocket science, it’s nothing new, but’s it’s well done”.  Chef at Home – “But where’s the twist”
 
So in this segment we basically have Mark describing the food at Milestones as generic and mediocre, in front of the restaurant’s Executive Chef. Classy! (At least I can hide in the internet!). So why in the world would the show select this restaurant for a challenge?!?! I just can’t take it anymore so let’s wrap this up.
 
Best from each round: Connie, Francois, Dustin
 
The winner: Dustin
 
Worst from each round: Andrea, Patrick, Dale
 
Going home: Patrick (he’s not even Canadian!)
 
Next time: RESTAURANT WARS!!! I think it’s at Bymark by the shot of Connie running out onto the street.
 
So let me have it, friends. If you’re going to defend Milestones, explain yourself. I think the last time I went there was 2007? Or maybe 2008 for brunch with Kristine and Alexis. What did you think of this episode? Did you have as many issues as I did? I don’t think I should be allowed to watch the episodes twice before recapping, because apparently it gives me too much time to think. If you actually went to Milestones to try the winning dishes, please give me your feedback.